Don't Miss the Gift

I recently ran across a site designed to encourage parents of high-energy, easily-distractable children. http://www.sizzlebop.com/index.htm.

After reading many of the author's articles, I'm challenged to see my brain injury as a gift. The author says God must have known she enjoys a challenge. I can see that as true of myself...at times. Other times, like today, the exhaustion is just so overly present that I desire simplicity in my life so my brain can rest. Oh, what I'd give for a boring day....a day to just "be" rather than facing a "to do" list as long as my arm.

Another thing that made an impact on me is that she decided to RELAX. Oh, how I envy her.

I remember a day long ago before I had any indication of what lie ahead for me, when a friend of mine told me that she has a learning disability. I was frustrated by her because it seemed to me that she had given up on life. At age 32, she still lived with her parents, and was unemployed. She was not pursuing an education or job training of any kind. She believed that someday her "knight in shining armor" was going to whisk her away to happiness even though she was 100 pounds overweight and not doing a thing about it. We were enjoying making cinnamon candy together, as she was explaining to me that this learning disability was the reason that she had to come to terms with her life the way it was. I told her that having a learning disability only means that she will have to work harder to accomplish what she desires in life. And that has been my philosophy of life..."When life gets tough, the tough get tougher".

Perhaps that is what has brought on my adrenal failure. Today I would love to just lie back and relax feeling that all is well...just as it is...nothing more to know and change for the better. There must be a healthy balance. I have never been able to rest without worrying about what is suffering due to my slacking. The parable of the ant and grasshopper that wasn't prepared for winter plays through my mind frequently. I'm constantly on to my kids about finding something to do that's productive.

Today my mind is overwhelmed with 40 different thoughts at once. I desire for the thoughts to just lie down and wait for me to be ready for them, but they are ever-present, confusing, and overwhelming me. It's like trying to watch a minimum of nine television shows at the same time. My solution is usually to dive into a book, well organized into chapters...all the pieces fit together perfectly, and my mind can rest. It amazes me how soothing organization is...if only I could accomplish that in other areas of my life. That partly is what I'm attempting to do by starting this blog...organizing my to-do list, Bible readings, gratitude journal, book notes, miscellaneous thoughts, and moments with my children I want to preserve.

For me the "GIFT" of my brain injury is that it has brought me to a place of dependence on God. I've been trained since childhood to be independent, self-sufficient, an over-achiever. My grandmother used to say, "God helps those who help themselves." I would never have voluntarily welcomed being dependent on anyone. As a matter of fact, I used to think GOD needed MY help to accomplish his will on Earth. I was his hands and feet...I'd been taught. But now I see God's work as being more "inner" in nature. It's about character development. It's about building a relationship...yes, one of dependence...also, love and respect. God is accomplishing His work in me through this "gift." I will make an effort to see it as such.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalm 62:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.