Need Relief from Confusion...please pray

I'm having a very challenging day...
Challenging because my mind is being bombarded with negative thoughts.
Thoughts of failure in doing everything possible to raise my children to know, love, and serve God.
Thoughts of tons of things that maybe I should be doing and am not doing.
Confusion about whether or not the financial investment in my mental health is worth it.
What part am I to play? Is it laziness or wisdom to leave it all to God?
I can't figure it all out. It's overwhelming. I'm not God. I don't know what my body/mind needs...and doctors don't know either. I keep throwing money down the drain hoping they will be able to fix me. I don't know if that is wise or wasteful. I'm so confused. I spend a lot of time researching and money experimenting on myself. Would that time be better spent in prayer and trusting God to fix me? Or is that slacking?
I hurt all over. I'm exhausted. My husband is frustrated with me as usual. I need God's intervention. Whether I've messed up somehow (by eating samples at Sam's, or not lying down early enough last night), I need to know what to do different. Or I need to know that I should just wait on Him and do nothing. Confusion is so...well, confusing!!! LOL. It's a form of torment.

Happiness for me is working toward a goal. When I'm confused about what the goal is or how to get there, I'm in torment. When I know the goal and am not able to get there, I'm in torment. Oh how I need God to intervene!!!! I need order, I need direction. I need to not be so confused.

My brother went on Ritalin recently with seemingly great results. It makes me want to try the same. Is that the solution? Is that a cop-out? Is it short-term relief causing long-term destruction? I need God to lead me. The last time I asked my pastor to pray with me for God to lead me in an area I was confused about, he told me to quit asking God to do things for me that I can do myself. I wish he would take the time to explain what exactly he meant so that his words would quit torturing me. I'm asking God for help anyway...He's big enough to determine if He wants to help me or not. It doesn't hurt to ask...or does it?

This doesn't happen to me all the time, but when it does, I'm like a fish flopping around out of the water trying desperately to get back to the water where everyhing makes sense. I need an ordered job description each day that is do-able. I can't cope with mind games. I need relief from the confusion. I need to know what I need and how to obtain it.